Attaining Goals

How can a individual attain goals that seem so unattainable? We all struggle and that is what makes us stronger. I have done some soul searching and realized I have not always put my best foot forward. I expected things, I felt entitled to things and I am certainly not.

I played sports in highschool in a small town. I thought I was the best and didn’t think that anybody would ever be better. I won all conference my newspaper wrote articles with my name in it. I remember my sophmore year a new girl rose up and she was amazing. She was so good, my thought was where did she come from. She was my competition. I challenged myself daily to be better. It was something I didn’t achieve.

I did get a scholarship to play volleyball and softball in college. It is all a blur on how that happened honestly. Most kids tried out and I did not. I remember not knowing a single person and people were mad I made the team. I got a quick reality check I wasn’t as good as I thought. I ended up only playing a year and quit. This is just one instance of me quitting.

I changed schools and started to work and party to much. My biggest concern when I changed schools was being accepted. I had no real goals for a future. I stayed at the school for a year and quit. I made friends there and quickly realized that, most are just memories now.

I didn’t know what I was going to do. I legit lost my way mentally. I was so lost that I didn’t want to be here. I struggled so bad with my mental health and felt so alone. Growing up mental health wasn’t talked about like it is today.

I did end up finding my way out of the darkness after receiving a letter from my mom. It was handwritten and I think that is why I love hand written snail mail. That letter saved me. I came up with a plan and decided to get back on track.

I started back school to get my social work degree. I worked weekends and worked at Outback. I worked my butt off and realized nothing was going to be handed to me. I graduated after 3 years of weekend school. I moved to where I am currently and quickly applied for jobs.

I applied to over 16 jobs. I felt so defeated and fail back into a bad mental state. How is this possible? I had a degree? I deserved a job! It isn’t fair. Well guess what life isn’t fair. God provided even when I was unemployed. I did get a job at a prison. (that is a different blog)

I started working at the prison. I was terrified and realized that I had to get my masters. Being a correctional officer was not my career of choice. I wouldn’t had pulled that card at career day. I went to school for my masters during the day online and worked nights. It was intense, but I just knew if I could get my masters I would get out of the prison and get a better job.

I graduated finally after 3 years and had a friend that worked with a EAP company. She put in a good word for a entry level position. Pay was minimal and I was so disappointed. How can I have my masters and only make mid 30s? I then know I needed to get my LCSW. I refused to settle. I knew my direction and where I wanted to be.

I had done my internship for Hospice and did volunteer work with them and also loved it. I have a passion for elderly people and think they deserve the world. I did apply for a job a couple towns over and it was going to be a drive, but it was a dream job for Hospice. I got the job and the pay was better. I was estatic.

I worked my tail off at this Hospice and to this day I remember the division director coming and serving us chick fila letting us know the office was closing. The new office was a 1.5 hours away from me. I was ok with it, until I got pregnant. I knew then I couldn’t drive that far with a kid. What if something happened? I started applying for other jobs.

I couldn’t pass my licensure test and felt so stuck. I started applying for nursing facilities. I got a call from a new nursing home, brand new build. I was excited. I interviewed and two days later got a call that I did not get the job. I cried ALOT and prayed for guidance. Two days later I got a call the girl they originally offered the job to dropped out.

I took the job and quickly learned that things were not what I wanted. I became a cook, furniture mover and everything in between. I hated it. I applied for other facilities. I got an interview in a facility closer to home. The pay was really good! I was so happy. I started and quickly regretted it. One thing I can tell you money at a job is NOT everything. Sanity and work life balance is.

I began to apply for jobs immediately. I found a company called Landmark and they were what I envisioned for my career. They were having a career fair near me. I signed up to go. Guess what babies get sick. I missed my chance. I was so upset. I emailed the recruiter and BEGGED for my resume to get passed on. She passed it on and that is where my life changed.

I started a job I LOVED and had work life balance and found coworkers that would become friends. The pay was less and I could had cared less. I was so happy. I continued to work for company and had some issues, but nothing major. I was the first Social Worker in my market, I trained staff and thought I was going to get promoted. I applied for a supervisor position and was denied twice. Always an excuse, you are outspoken. I call it passionate. I had another baby and was planning on looking for another job. The disappointment of no advancement was hard. When I came back from maternity, they knew I wasn’t happy. They chose me to start a program for BH and this made me stay.

I helped with this program and watched it grow from nothing to something. I found my hope again! I then decided I was ready to move along in a different aspect. I became a Clinical Trainer and loved it. I loved my coworkers and supervisor. Everything was amazing, until it wasn’t.

Landmark sold out to a big corporation. We were promised nobody would lose their job. We were promised we were safe. Let me tell you big corporations don’t care about you or me, they care about profit. I was scared and knew I wouldn’t have a job much longer.

I prayed and prayed. I cried and fell backwards in my mental health. I struggled and the memories of them shutting my hospice office flooded back.

I had a recruiter reach out to me on LinkedIn. I will be quite honest I almost didn’t answer because things can be really spammy on there. Luckily I answered and here I am. I am now working for a company as a director and managing my team. My experience in this role is another blog, but at the end of the day I pushed through. God has let me fail and this has made me stronger.