Attaining Goals

How can a individual attain goals that seem so unattainable? We all struggle and that is what makes us stronger. I have done some soul searching and realized I have not always put my best foot forward. I expected things, I felt entitled to things and I am certainly not.

I played sports in highschool in a small town. I thought I was the best and didn’t think that anybody would ever be better. I won all conference my newspaper wrote articles with my name in it. I remember my sophmore year a new girl rose up and she was amazing. She was so good, my thought was where did she come from. She was my competition. I challenged myself daily to be better. It was something I didn’t achieve.

I did get a scholarship to play volleyball and softball in college. It is all a blur on how that happened honestly. Most kids tried out and I did not. I remember not knowing a single person and people were mad I made the team. I got a quick reality check I wasn’t as good as I thought. I ended up only playing a year and quit. This is just one instance of me quitting.

I changed schools and started to work and party to much. My biggest concern when I changed schools was being accepted. I had no real goals for a future. I stayed at the school for a year and quit. I made friends there and quickly realized that, most are just memories now.

I didn’t know what I was going to do. I legit lost my way mentally. I was so lost that I didn’t want to be here. I struggled so bad with my mental health and felt so alone. Growing up mental health wasn’t talked about like it is today.

I did end up finding my way out of the darkness after receiving a letter from my mom. It was handwritten and I think that is why I love hand written snail mail. That letter saved me. I came up with a plan and decided to get back on track.

I started back school to get my social work degree. I worked weekends and worked at Outback. I worked my butt off and realized nothing was going to be handed to me. I graduated after 3 years of weekend school. I moved to where I am currently and quickly applied for jobs.

I applied to over 16 jobs. I felt so defeated and fail back into a bad mental state. How is this possible? I had a degree? I deserved a job! It isn’t fair. Well guess what life isn’t fair. God provided even when I was unemployed. I did get a job at a prison. (that is a different blog)

I started working at the prison. I was terrified and realized that I had to get my masters. Being a correctional officer was not my career of choice. I wouldn’t had pulled that card at career day. I went to school for my masters during the day online and worked nights. It was intense, but I just knew if I could get my masters I would get out of the prison and get a better job.

I graduated finally after 3 years and had a friend that worked with a EAP company. She put in a good word for a entry level position. Pay was minimal and I was so disappointed. How can I have my masters and only make mid 30s? I then know I needed to get my LCSW. I refused to settle. I knew my direction and where I wanted to be.

I had done my internship for Hospice and did volunteer work with them and also loved it. I have a passion for elderly people and think they deserve the world. I did apply for a job a couple towns over and it was going to be a drive, but it was a dream job for Hospice. I got the job and the pay was better. I was estatic.

I worked my tail off at this Hospice and to this day I remember the division director coming and serving us chick fila letting us know the office was closing. The new office was a 1.5 hours away from me. I was ok with it, until I got pregnant. I knew then I couldn’t drive that far with a kid. What if something happened? I started applying for other jobs.

I couldn’t pass my licensure test and felt so stuck. I started applying for nursing facilities. I got a call from a new nursing home, brand new build. I was excited. I interviewed and two days later got a call that I did not get the job. I cried ALOT and prayed for guidance. Two days later I got a call the girl they originally offered the job to dropped out.

I took the job and quickly learned that things were not what I wanted. I became a cook, furniture mover and everything in between. I hated it. I applied for other facilities. I got an interview in a facility closer to home. The pay was really good! I was so happy. I started and quickly regretted it. One thing I can tell you money at a job is NOT everything. Sanity and work life balance is.

I began to apply for jobs immediately. I found a company called Landmark and they were what I envisioned for my career. They were having a career fair near me. I signed up to go. Guess what babies get sick. I missed my chance. I was so upset. I emailed the recruiter and BEGGED for my resume to get passed on. She passed it on and that is where my life changed.

I started a job I LOVED and had work life balance and found coworkers that would become friends. The pay was less and I could had cared less. I was so happy. I continued to work for company and had some issues, but nothing major. I was the first Social Worker in my market, I trained staff and thought I was going to get promoted. I applied for a supervisor position and was denied twice. Always an excuse, you are outspoken. I call it passionate. I had another baby and was planning on looking for another job. The disappointment of no advancement was hard. When I came back from maternity, they knew I wasn’t happy. They chose me to start a program for BH and this made me stay.

I helped with this program and watched it grow from nothing to something. I found my hope again! I then decided I was ready to move along in a different aspect. I became a Clinical Trainer and loved it. I loved my coworkers and supervisor. Everything was amazing, until it wasn’t.

Landmark sold out to a big corporation. We were promised nobody would lose their job. We were promised we were safe. Let me tell you big corporations don’t care about you or me, they care about profit. I was scared and knew I wouldn’t have a job much longer.

I prayed and prayed. I cried and fell backwards in my mental health. I struggled and the memories of them shutting my hospice office flooded back.

I had a recruiter reach out to me on LinkedIn. I will be quite honest I almost didn’t answer because things can be really spammy on there. Luckily I answered and here I am. I am now working for a company as a director and managing my team. My experience in this role is another blog, but at the end of the day I pushed through. God has let me fail and this has made me stronger.

Life is Hard

People are quick to judge others without knowing what others are going through. Even if you have a similar situation, you have not experienced anything the same as somebody else.

As a society it is super easy to say, Oh I have gone through that and this is what I did. Well, that’s great that you handled it one way, but there are multiple ways to handle stuff.

Grief is something none of us experience the same. I have dealt with a lot of death in my career and it is different every time. You can cry, and you can grieve however long you want. There is no set-in-stone time. Don’t let people tell you to get over it. People can encourage you to get up and out of your house. People can sit with you and provide silence. Grief is complicated and this should be normalized.

Addiction is another area I have dealt with. Addiction is different for every family. The person who has an addiction is different from the other addict. Have grace, provide support, and listen. Truly listen and understand the reasoning behind the addiction. This can be an addiction to anything.

I think some so many different genres and topics could be written about. Society should show compassion and understanding and try to help others the best we can.

Life is Hard and it doesn’t matter who you are. Poor, middle class, rich, everybody has their challenges. Money can help, but would you trade your family to have unlimited wealth? If you were wealthy would you trust others, or always wonder what intentions people have? Look at all angles of a situation and just do BETTER.

Things to Do and Say

Have you tried to tell people you are not ok? How have they responded? Did they say “oh you will be ok. life is hard we all go through it.” Or did they just ignore your plea altogether.

It is so easy to ask “how are you?” but do you you want the truth. Most people ask this question out of being courteous, but don’t truly want you to answer honestly.

How can we change the stigma and answer appropriately when people say they aren’t ok.

1. Get used to the uncomfortable answer and acknowledge the person may be struggling

2. Offer support if you can and don’t try to compete with how you may be doing worse. Keep the conversation light and try to provide positive affirmations.

3. Just listen and let them vent, a couple days later check in and see how they are doing.

4. Make time, this is a big one. People make time for who they want to make time for, so remember that. Ask how you can help.

5. People who say oh I am just so busy and don’t have time to text back are usually the ones with the phone glued to their hands. Maybe find different support.

6. Try to engage a person who may not be ok and invite them to go to dinner or ask if you can go and visit them.

Know that when a person is struggling, it can vary on how long it may take for them to get out of the bad spot. Stick with them and don’t get frustrated.

Questions you can ask when you speak to a person not doing well.

1. How are you feeling at this moment?

2. Who are you using for support?

3. Tell me what are the factors playing into your feelings.

4. What can I do to help?

Remember if a person is suicidal provide the 988 number and make sure there are no weapons or things they can use to take their life. JUST BE THERE.

Advice to the Youth

I am going to be very honest, I could not imagine being a teen in this day and age. When I was younger we just had to worry about being bullied, having friends and what are curfew was to come back inside. Cell phones came out when I was 13 and we did not have the capabilities to do anything on them, like kids/teens do today.

Some advice I have thought about recently to give to the younger generation who may or may not take it.

• Don’t be so hard on yourself or others, forgive easily and don’t hold grudges

• Friends in highschool may last or they may not. Find people who are good for your soul and not for popularity

• If a person talks crap to you about others, they are most likely bad mouthing you

• Keep secrets and build trust

• Don’t get upset if you fail, failure is a part of life. Your parents may be upset, but it will pass

• Don’t try drugs, specially now a days where people want you addicted and you don’t know what is in it

• Party and be responsible. Don’t be afraid to ask for a ride and don’t drink and drive (Its dumb and can affect somebody else’s life, not just yours)

• Be cautious of people and speak up if your gut is telling you something isn’t right

• Best friends can be jealous to and try to hurt you secretly

• Be in love with yourself and don’t depend on anybody else to do it.

• Be happy with being alone and find activities that can support that.

Veterans

This particular post isn’t about myself. It is about veterans. When was the last time you asked a vet if they are ok? I am married to a veteran and never knew the actual struggle that he was going through.

When it came to the things he went through, I would never understand. I wanted to support him, but there wasn’t much I could say to help.

Men and women who fought for our country are suffering in silence. My husband looked for a therapist and couldn’t find a decent one, because they couldn’t relate. He looked for a support group, but the veterans groups were targeted to older vets.

My husband spoke with a guy who provided support to veterans, but the resources the guy provided him with were very limited and his check ins eventually stopped.

The are you ok movement is meant for all different types of groups to find each other. I am hoping that as the movement grows nationally that meet ups and support groups can be formed.

My husbands response when I mentioned this, “I don’t want to go and talk about my feelings, but I would love to have a group of people that meet up for dinner or something that could relate.”

Lets just start by normalizing Are you ok? with veterans and allowing them to take the lead. Help spread the movement and add your location on the meet up/support group page to begin to build a list of areas that veterans can meet.

Are you ok? Mom Edition

In today's society, it is so easy to get wrapped up in all the roles we play. I am a mom of three, a wife, and a supervisor. Recently I realized I was not okay.

I wanted to start a movement and a blog to normalize the fact that it is normal to not always be okay. One big thing that triggered me was my daughter noticing I was not okay. She is 7 and looked at me and said, "Mom, are you okay?" When I asked her why she asked, her response was, "You are always asking how other people are, but I can look at you and tell you are not okay."

Honestly, for a 7-year-old to have that intuitiveness was impressive, but it hit my core. I realized I was not okay and I was hiding it.

I recently started a new job in January, and it is remote and at the supervisor level. I have had my colleagues not be so nice and blatantly rude because I am a supervisor and had to set standards in place.

At home, I felt stuck in this everlasting routine. Wake up, make lunches, work, fix dinner, bath, put to bed, 30 minutes with my husband, and then bed. Overall, it was exhausting and very repetitive.

I decided to engage in conversations with several different people and let them know I was struggling and just not okay. The response was not what I expected. I honestly don't know what I was expecting, but it was not to be gaslighted or blown off.

I have always been an overachiever at checking in on my friends (or at least I thought I had). I am becoming more self-aware of how important it is to check-in. Not everybody will admit they are struggling, but to offer some support and just being there, I think is so important.

To get to my point for this particular post: Life gets busy, and we make the excuse of, "Oh, I got distracted," or "This is a difficult conversation to have." Having tough conversations can help save a life and hopefully relieve the feeling of not being okay.

Are you ok? Work Edition

No matter what job you have, life can be hard. Stay at home mom, boss, celebrity, or any other type of work you do. Life is hard no matter what.

Stay at home moms may feel like their lost in the moment raising their kids. Moms may forget to text back or forget to check in. It is important to understand that they still need support, and maybe more so than others.

I have learned recently being a supervisor is hard. Managing a team is hard and isolating. Working from home is difficult depending on the role. Check in on your coworkers because they may be facing challenges.

Imaging being a celebrity, whether it is a HUGE one or a micro one and not knowing who to trust. People thinking that you have it all. I think celebrities may have it the hardest and may need the most check ins for the simple fact, they may not have a true connection with people.

All other roles are just as important. Waitresses, salesman, new grad, college students, high school students. We don’t know the issues anybody may be facing.

Let us band together and ask Are you ok? on a regular basis. Do better and be better!